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You would think as someone with my trust issues, I wouldn’t fall so hard for someone. You would think I would guard my heart, but it’s the exact opposite. For some reason, God gave me the trait of love and empathy. I think those are wonderful, yet painful, traits to have. It is easy for me to love. It is easy for me to give my all to someone and expect it to last forever. Even though I don’t believe so much in “forever” anymore, I do still expect some sort of it and believe that every relationship, romantic or friendship, is going to be forever. What makes us believe that? I have a long history of always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I am in need of constant reassurance and communication. If you’re with me, I need you to tell me that you are, every day. Maybe that’s an unrealistic expectation, but that is what I need to be comfortable. That is what I need to know that everything is ok. Someone asked me recently what itwas about my marriage that made me secure, hoping that it was something I could carry over into other relationships. I told her it was the ring. You see, in my mind that ring, that promise,meant forever, good or bad. I was young and naïve at that time, but that was the truth. It never occurred to me that marriages ended, that people fell out of love. That was a hard lesson. I’m not sure I believe in that anymore, maybe that’s why I can’t keep a relationship. Maybe I am too needy and need too much reassurance, but that’s not something I can change. I have tried really hard, but it doesn’t stop my ability to give my whole self and my whole heart. That’s what is weird. I don’t believe in forever, yet I love like it’s going to be forever. Maybe I am someone that comes into other people’s lives to remind them that love is good and when they know that they can leave me and move forward with their lives knowing that love exists. Me, on the other hand, am left with the pieces of my heart, trying to put them back together again like a puzzle. Each time with more pieces and much harder to put back together. They say that God gives everyone a special gift. Maybe that’ my special gift, reminding people of what love feels and looks like. I accept that gift, but I really would like someone to show me the gift of forever. Forever alone doesn’t sound too good. For now, I’m going to nurse this broken heart of mine and see if I can figure out how to put it back together again.