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I am a chronic overthinker. I feel like every time I get close to someone, and I share my feelings with them, they will get mad and leave. I’ve never been good at sharing my feelings or opinions, I’ve always kept them inside, which is very dangerous. I am trying really hard to do better, but that has come with a lot of insecurity. I can’t seem to let go of my over apologizing, even if there isn’t anything to apologize for, even if I did nothing wrong. If I think I have upset you or made you mad in any way, I will apologize until the cows come home so that things will go back to normal. My rational brain realizes this is ridiculous and not healthy, my irrational brain proceeds to make me, sometimes, look like an idiot to the other person because I won’t stop trying to make them unmad at me. I’ve done this my whole life. I’ve always gotten sick to my stomach when I think someone I love is mad or upset at me. It’s a terrible flaw. It causes me such anxiety, and the thing is, it shouldn’t be this way. I shouldn’t feel this way for expressing my opinion or that I’m mad or upset. Let me be clear, for the most part, I make myself feel this way the other person doesn’t make me feel like this. My abandonment issues just will not go away. I’ve had them for 45 years, you would think I would know how to get rid ofthat feeling, but I don’t. They have the same significance today as when I first started having them all those years ago. My rational brain realizes that if someone leaves me because of how I feel they aren’t supposed to be in my life, while my irrational brain says that I’ve done something terrible. This is where my communication skills become lacking. I tend to hold things in, pretend that everything is ok or, become super quiet, not engaging at all. Neither of those are healthy ways to deal with feelings, and they certainly aren’t healthy for relationships, friendship or romantic. These feelings make me extremely insecure. It strips away all the confidence I have built up in myself over the past year. Maybe one day I will learn how to let go of the overthinking, the worrying, the extra stress I cause myself, and just be half-way normal. Until then, I will continue to try and communicate and not let my thinking go haywire. Wish me luck.