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Does anyone else self-sabotage? Things start going really welland you don’t think you truly deserve the happiness and contentment that has come your way so you un-intentially self-sabotage. I’ve realized that I do that. Not because I want to, Lord knows happiness is what we all strive for, but I think subconsciously I think I don’t deserve to be happy. I don’t deserve good things. I start to get paranoid in my relationships, seeing things that aren’t there. Thinking things that aren’t true. Why do I feel that I don’t deserve to be happy? Does everyone feel this way at some point? How do I consciously not self-sabotage? I want to be with this man, I want him in every aspect of my life and he wants me in his. So why am I trying to ruin that? Why am I seeing things and thinking things that aren’t true? How do I learn to love myself so completely that I will realize that other people love me, too? I’ve come so far from where I’ve been. I like myself so much more that I ever have, yet it still doesn’t appear to be enough. I’m still learning. Learning to love myself, learning to trust, learning to let go of my anxiety. It’s all so hard, and I am so lucky to have a very patient man. A man who can talk me out of my crazy and remind me that he isn’t going anywhere. A man that has met me where I am and not tried to change me; Who has held me when I needed it and shown me compassion? Who shows me every day with his actions what his words don’t say? Actions always speak louder than words. My goal at this point is to not blow it. To take things as they come and to enjoy every minute with this amazing man. No more self-sabotaging. No more pushing away. I go back to met me where I am, and how amazing that is; how hard it is to find someone who will meet you where you are and not judge you. Who will lift you up, who will show you great kindness and love. Who will encourage you to grow and who will grow with me. A man who listens to my crazy thoughts and reminds me they are just thoughts, they aren’t real. If you are lucky enough to find someone who will meet you where you are, who will show you every day that he wants to be with you, hold on to him and don’t self-sabotage. I promise life will be better with him. Coming out of the dark is starting to look more like coming into the light.