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Have you ever wondered how you would react if your prayers were answered, and you got what you had been hoping and praying for? I am sitting in that position right now. I am elated, thankful, it’s been a long-time prayer and I will say I didn’t wait very patiently. God provided, again, as he always does. I’m terrified to believe it could true, and if it is true, can I handle it? Am I ready for it? I must be if God has presented it to me. I must admit I’m scared. Scared of opening my heart all the way for fear that it will be shattered. Scared of rearranging my whole life only to have it fall apart, but what is life if we don’t take risks? If we don’t follow our hearts? Isn’t that how you find happiness? Opening yourself up for whatever may come? I wish I could explain the joy that I have along with the fear. It’s a weird combination. Elation mixed with fire. I’ve always thought I was too old to start over. To find love. To find companionship. But here it is, waiting for me to jump in. I am not an adrenaline junky, so waiting to jump is like standing on the edge of a cliff, unable to see the bottom, and everyone expecting me to close my eyes and jump. To trust that there is a bottom or a safety net to catch me. I am not very good at that. My first instinct is to verify 100% there is a safety net. Going against my natural reactions. It is time to learn to let go of that fear, of that safety net, but how? Do you just close your eyes and jump, arms spread wide, flying through the air? Do you smile knowing that for once, you are believing in yourself and your judgement? Knowing that you are finally stepping off the edge and making a life for yourself with someone else? Allowing someone else into the deepest, darkest corners of your life. What if they don’t like what they see in the corners and they decide to leave. Could I handle that? I don’t know, that is where the fear comes in. If I find myself shattered on the floor again, will I be able to get up this time? My heart says dive in, my head says tread carefully, my heart says it doesn’t matter what your head thinks, you already know how you feel. And it’s true. I’m already in deep water, and even though it’s scary, it’s also exciting. To be able to swim again, to fully submerge is a blessing, it certainly beats just walking on the sand. It doesn’t mean that I am 100% positive this is it, but I feel pretty confident. Coming out of the dark isn’t so bad after all.