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New relationships are like flowers looking for the sun. Whether it is friendships or romantic relationships, you are both trying to find your way. New relationships are always exciting, but to me, they are scary as well. I’m always trying to be the best person, but always wondering how to do that. How to navigate the other person’s feelings with my own insecurities. New relationships make me feel extremely vulnerable, and vulnerable is not a state I like to be in. It means there is something I cannot control. If you know me, you know control is my number one thing. I have to be in control or at least pretend that I’m in control. Knowing that you cannot control someoneelse’s feelings, actions is one of the times I feel most out of control. It’s so hard to trust. So hard not to push to hard, but to make the effort. As an addicted overthinker, I question everything. Every word said, every message not answered, every word left unsaid, the whole thing, but with that being said, I throw my entire soul into that new relationship. I often wonder if I give too much too soon. I feel like I usually do because I tend to be an all or nothing type of person, yet I don’t know how to be any different. I haven’t learned the art of just letting things “be”. I am either all in, or not in at all. How do you change that behavior all these years later? And what led up that feeling? Have I always been this way or is it a learned behavior? Does it go along with anxiety, or is this a normal state of being for everyone? Does everyone navigate new relationships like this? I know that nervousness is common, but does it go to the extremes of mine? I am a wallflower. I like to go unnoticed these das,, which is so totally different than I used to be, but when I look back, I feel like I’ve always been a wallflower, but I was able to push that aside because I needed to be liked by everyone. As I’ve gotten older, I still have the desire, mindset, but I sometimes do not have the mental capability of pushing that fear aside and moving forward. I have a hard time in places/situations where I don’t know anyone. I think I hide it pretty well, but on the inside, I am an absolute wreck! How do you manage those feelings in new relationships? How do you allow them to grow when you are afraid? Friendships are so hard to maintain as adults. Between children, school, sporting events, life, it’s hard to be the “friend” you were in high school or college with pretty much no responsibilities. My best friend(cousin) lives 20 minutes from me and I hardly ever see her, but that relationship has been nurtured for so long, we don’t have to see each other to pick up right where we left off when we do get to see each other. We do get to speak on the phone sometimes and it feels natural. With new relationships, it doesn’t seem to be as easy. I’m always worried about bothering the person, catching them at a bad time, maybe they don’t want to actually talk to me, do they mean it when they say they like me, am I being a nuisance, nice little look inside how my brain works. I know that all relationships we have are important. Whether it be family relationships, friendships, romantic relationships and we learn something from each relationship we have. Even the ones that don’t work out, we find out something different about ourselves, something important to carry into the next relationship. At least I know I have. I have learned things that turn out to be flaws I didn’t realize I had and was able to work on. I have found out that people aren’t always who they portray themselves to be. Everyone is not your friend. I’m kind of an oxymoron, I have trust issues, but I trust super easy. There is a wall around my heart, but I tend to lead with it. It’s a blessing and a curse. At some point, I’m hoping it will pay off, until then, I will try to navigate these new relationships toward the sun.