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Saturday was a good day. The Boy had a double-header, and it was beautiful outside. I sat with some of the other parents and had a really good time. I stepped out of my comfort zone. I was able to talk to one mom a lot and one that took some amazing photos. I was able to learn the boys and start to memorize their numbers. It was so nice to cheer for them by name. To be recognized by other parents. It was the affirmation I needed. I am slowing starting to connect again. Connecting is hard, but totally worth it. I didn’t realize how much I missed talking to and conversating with people. They all cheered for The Boy with me and it was so awesome for all of us to come together and cheer on our boys. We won both games by the way. I know that a lot of my past blogs have been kind of dark, or really dark, but I am in a good place right now Iam stepping out of my comfort zone some. The purpose of me writing this is for my own healing, but also to help normalize depression and anxiety. So many people are ashamed that they have it. I see you. You are not alone, and you have nothing to be ashamed of. I know it’s hard, so very hard. I want this to be a safe space. A place where hopefully I can help other people. I mostly just want you to know that just because you suffer from this disease, doesn’t make you less than anyone or anything. There will be good days and bad days. Sometimes more bad days than good. I try to remember that. It is hard, very hard. It’s so easy to stay in the dark, but the light is so much fun. I can’t explain how happy Saturday made me. I felt like my old self. Like I was normal again. Not to say that I’m not “normal” every day, just some days I don’t feel normal. I think the more that I force myself out of my comfort zone the easier it will become. Happiness is a state of mind, and sometimes it is extremely hard to find that balance and open that box in your mind. Once that darkness takes over, it is so very hard to come to the light, but maybe, if we try really hard, we can reach the light, even if we fake it. I hope that as this baseball season goes on, I will become more comfortable at each game. I will speak to people first instead of waiting for them to speak to me. I will be light. I know that I can be, I know that I can radiate light when I am in this happy place. I need to learn how to stay in the happy place. I am working on it. I am a work in progress, that’s what I tell myself and others as well. I am a great person and a kind person, but on days that I’m not able to step out of the dark, I don’t come off that way. I saw a quote that said, “I allow myself to feel all of my emotions as part of my healing” and that really spoke to me. It is important that you feel your feelings. When I started writing this blog, there were things that I discovered I had never noticed before. Feelings that I didn’t even know I had. Isn’t it crazy how sometimes we don’t’ even know what we are feeling? This has helped me so much in recognizing myself, learning myself, reminding myself that it’s ok to not be ok. And that I am a normal person who struggles. It is my hope that as I continue to write this, continue to learn who I am, that I will continue to work on loving myself. I’ve never loved myself before, but I am starting to. I am starting to realize my good qualities, the things that set me apart, the things that remind me I am good enough, I am worthy. I hope that as you continue this journey with me, we can share the good and the bad. Because as the title says, we are “Coming out of the Dark”.