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Is it possible we make ourselves feel lonely? I feel lonely all the time, but I do have friends and family who love me dearly. Is it a sense of intimacy that I miss? I sense of someone from the “outside” that cares for me? Loneliness is one of the worst feelings ever. I don’t believe it has to do with solidary at all. I have been in many, many situations where I was in a room full of people and felt lonelier than if I were at home alone. I have felt it in relationships. What actually defines loneliness? I have no idea. I wish I knew. If I knew, maybe I could stave it off. Is it something that I feel more deeply because of the state of my mind? Why is life so hard? Why are making choices so difficult? I know that life is hard for everyone and that everyone has tomake hard decisions. I’m more curious about loneliness. Sometimes, I am so incredibly lonely, that I just cry. I want someone to hug me, to listen to me, to reassure me, to love me. It is a feeling of anguish. I know lots of people who are alone but they aren’t lonely and I so badly want their secret. I also know lost of people who aren’t alone and are lonely. Is there a cure for loneliness? Is there a way to lessen someone’s loneliness? As I sit here at my desk, with just the radio on and the dogs here. I am comfortable but hurting. I have no none to help me through hard times or bad news. To hug me and tell me it’s going to be ok. I have to think who I can call that is going to care about this awful news that I got. No one. That’s the answer. I have no one. I am all alone on my island of 1, and it seems as if the island is flooding. Who’s going to save me? Does anyone even care if the island floods and takes me with it? I wonder that all the time. Do I truly make enough of an impact on this world and this life that people would notice if I wasn’t here? If I failed to show up one day, how long would it take someone to realize I wasn’t there? This is my life. Pretty much every day. I try so hard to hide it, and most days I’m good at it, but today, is not one of those days. Today I am questioning everything. This has been a very hard week. And a week that I realized that I am the tree. I am the one who has no one to go to. I am the one with no one to turn to. Everyone has someone, but me. That is the story that my life has turned into. I can’t explain why I feel that way so deeply. I know that I have friends, I know that I have family, but that is not filling this hole that I have in my heart. I don’t know if it will ever be filled. Please, no one tell me to pray and God will fix it. I have been doing that for longer than I can remember. I know exactly who God is and what he can do, but where I am in my life right now, I have a hole as big as the Grand Canyon in my heart and it feels empty. I feel unseen, unheard. Unneeded. This is a hard place to be in. This is a place that I am uncomfortable in. This is the cave. This is the overtaking of the darkness. This is the crying in the dark. Wanting to be better. Praying to better. Praying to not have this hole in my heart and in my life. This is a very true depiction of what my life is like on a daily basis. Some days are better than others, but today is not one of those days. Today I am lonely. It’s been a long, drama-filled, scary, emotional week. And I’ve had no one here to share that pain with. No one to hug me. To help take the burden. Just me. Sometimes, I’m not enough for myself.