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Sometimes, I get so caught up in my own cave/bubble that I forget how truly, truly blessed I am. I have to stop and remind myself that I have the most important things I could have. My parents, my siblings, my cousins, my son, my extended family, you get the picture. So many people are mourning lost parents, lost children, lost siblings, and I seem to think that my pain is equal to theirs. I get so caught up in my own head that I forget there are real people with real issues in their lives. With real pain and real grief. That’s a side effect of mental illness, not being able to see past your own pain. I know that all pain is pain, but let’s be honest, some pain in so much more palpable than other pain. How do we decide what pain is? Is it anything that hurts us? Is it physical or emotional; or is it both? I think I prefer physical pain. That pain can heal and go away. Emotional pain/grief is with you forever. It never goes away; it can be triggered in an instance. How do people learn to cope with their pain? I have a very special person in my life who has lost a parent and a sibling. This person is the strongest person I have ever met. I ask them all the time how they do it. There is no clear answer. Lots of prayer. I often forget in my own pain and despair that they have gone through something equally traumatic. Maybe even more traumatic than what I have gone through. Which again makes me ask, how do we gauge pain? How do I know if I am being selfish in my pain? How do I know if I am being there for them when they need me? I feel like I am selfish in my pain. I feel like maybe I am not there for my people as I should be. I try very hard to be. I never thought of myself as selfish until today. I saw where a friend was grieving the loss of a sibling. I thought about my blogs talking about my painand it got me to thinking about my relationships and my participation in those relationships. Am I there for my people when they need me? I think I am; I hope I am, but now I am actually questioning that. I’m questioning whether I am a good friend. Whether I am actually theperson I think I am. I am so thankful for my people, my tribe. The one’s who hold me up when I am down, who help me keep my head above water when I’m drowning. But am I there for my tribe? Do I add anything to their lives, or am I just a burden to them? Am I a taker, but not a giver? I’ve never thought about that before. I am now analyzing that with every relationship that I have right now, and that I’ve had in the past. There is a song that I am in love with right now that says: “You better believe I’m trying to keep climbing but the higher we climb, feels like we are both none the wiser. So I hope I learn to get over myself, stop trying to be somebody else.” I connect so deeply with those lyrics. Am I someone that needs to get over myself? Am I self-centered in my pain; Unable to see anyone else’s needs or pain? I pray that I’m not that way. I pray that I am self-less in my love and my friendship. That I give more than I receive. I pray that I am a friend that my tribe can count on in hard times. That steps up when I need to. That I can overcome myself and be there for others when I’m needed. That is something I definitely need to pay more attention to. To make sure I’m checking on my people. To make sure that I am doing what is necessary as a friend. I want to be the person that people say good things about. I want to be remembered for being strong for my people. For helping when needed, whatever that may look like. For being a good daughter, sister, mom, friend, cousin, niece, granddaughter. I don’t want my tribe or friends to feel that they can’t call me with their troubles or their pain. I am here! I am available! I can handle anything that you need me to handle! I am here for you as you have been for me. If you are one that feels like I only take from you, please, please let me know. I want to be aware; I want to do better. I want to be better. My goal in this life is to be present for my people. To hold them up and remind them of how wonderful they are. To give kindness and compassion to everyone. I’m trying. I am someone who wants to be better and do better each and every day.